CrockPot
by cicir
Summary: A small idea was forming in his head. But when a small idea forms in Dirk Strider's head, in a matter of seconds, it is no longer small. It is a large, well thought out plan that WILL end in success. And now he had a plan. And when a Strider has a plan, shit gets done. He had more trouble keeping his smile down. Irons were about to be placed in the fire.
1. Chapter 1

**A.N. ****browsing Tumblr. Thought a few people would appreciate. DirkJane. This is for you! ~Sisida~Meh I'mma make this an AU so I don't have to deal with Sburb weird time stuff.**

* * *

Lil' Sebastian stared at her as she typed furiously away at her keyboard, the clickety clack the only sound in the room albeit the small hum coming from Lil' Seb's motor. She ignored it as she typed, biting her lip slightly and frowning. Finally, after a few more minutes of keyboard mashing, she finally slammed her hands down, letting out an exasperated sigh, and shoving the white board away. She flopped her head down on the desk, slamming her head rather hard into the wood. Lil' seb turned it's head to her. After lying there for a few moments, she turned to face the small robot bunny, a bitter smile on her face.

"I am the only female on this world who can successfully friend zone herself." Lil' Seb could feel the self hatred emanating from her very pore as she limply lay on the desk, laughing pitifully.

Lil' seb's glasses flared up in color for a few moments, blinking. The small rabbit moved from its position on the corner of her desk to her arm, sitting down on her shoulder, and placing a small hand on her head. She let out another laugh, raising a hand to pet his in between his ears.

"You know your creator is making my life kinda hard, right?" She sat up, lifting Lil' seb off of her shoulder, and setting him on the desk in front of her. He sat down on the ledge, kicking his feet back and forth, looking up at her. She couldn't help but smile. He was just so cute! She touched the tip of one of his ears, and bent it downward, the metal clicking lightly as each joint moved. When she let go, the ear twitched slightly, and then popped back into its upright position. it cocked its head to the side. She laughed again, snuggling Lil' Seb into a small hug. "Doesn't change the fact that you're a super cutie!" Lil' seb's little arms reached around her neck, hugging her back.

His job was to protect her, and keep her company. To keep an eye on her.

But he had another job. And it was now that he did said job, as she still hugged him. His eyes flickered again, sending out a small message.

* * *

He had sent out two robots, who had two different destinations, and two different goals.

One to strengthen his bro.

And one to protect his love.

He knew Jake. He knew Jake was a badass. He knew Jake did not need protection. Those gun skills of his, in which both he and his sister had, were perfect enough for him to survive in this terrible world. But he bet on his life that Jake got bored sometimes. So he sent Brobot to beat the ever loving shit out of him every once in a while. Mainly to remind him that even though he was strong, he could get stronger.

He knew Jane. He new Jane was... well.. NOT a badass. She was like her grandfather in that sense. Goofy, childish, air-headed. She took off of her brother. She could barely survive on a daily basis with the murder attempts and that stupid white cat messing with her shit. Her everyday escapades scared him shitless. He didn't want her dead. So he sent Lil' Sebs.

When he was making lil' sebs, he couldn't help but break his poker face ever so slightly when he thought of the smile that would envelop her face when she saw the cute as fuck rabbit.

He gave Lil' seb 4 jobs. To protect her. To keep her company. To keep an eye on her. And to inform him when she was upset.

Lil' seb was doing great in the first 3, but had yet to send him a message on the 4th mission.

Until today.

The small beep rang in his ear, his glasses lighting up. He quickly scanned his logs to see what brought a response from his glasses... A small blinking rabbit icon in the corner beckoned for his attention. He obliged, opening the icon to see the small letters blinking in his face.

"Jane."

God damnit that's all the rabbit told him? He let out a sigh, making a note to edit his software slightly as he walked to his computer, pressing the spacebar a few times to wake the screen. He quickly moved his mouse to PesterChum, and double clicked the icon, a small window popping up after a small amount of time. He clicked on the light blue blinking name.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

TT: Hey. What's up?

* * *

Jane looked up from her Lil' Seb glomping when she heard the little bleep informing her of a new pester message. Hope filled her eyes, hoping Jake had... nope. It was the only human on this planet in which she did NOT want to talk to at the moment.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

TT: Hey. What's up?

"Oh what do I do... I don't want to talk to him... oh" She frowned, resting her head in her hands as she stared at the orange text, letting out a sigh. Lil' seb sat in between her elbows, looking up at her curiously. She looked down at him. "Well? What do YOU think I should do? Talk to the man who just successfully stole my man away without saying a word? Or ignore him in hopes he'd just go away." Lil' seb didn't move, but cocked its head to the side a bit. she let out a sigh. "Yeah... I know NOT talking to him would be rude... but..." her face scrunched up a bit.

TT: Crocker?

She let out a sigh, still staring at the orange text. she glanced down at the bunny again. "I really don't..." Lil' seb blinked a few times, the notion voided of all significance because his small robot eyes were hidden behind the red glasses. She could still hear the small click of his metal eyelids closing a few times, and smiled. "Don't worry bout' me. I'm a tough cookie. It's not like I thought Jake and I were going to get married or something... I just don't want to talk to the guy who's gay for him..."

TT: Hey cake Master, what's wrong?

"I mean..." She looked at the new text, but ignored it. "Just by what Jake said... it's obvious he's a little gay for him too... and... hoohoo..." She scratched her head slightly, adorning an awkward smile, "ahh this sucks..."

TT: Crock-pot.

She twitched.

TT: Jane. Come on. I know you're there. Answer me.

TT: You know this isn't the auto responder. The text is orange.

TT: come on... Please?

Her jaw dropped onto Lil' seb's ear, her eyes wide. She quickly grabbed the keyboard, pushing Lil' seb to the side and typing.

GG: Holy cow! You called me Jane, you aren't the auto responder, AND you said please... Hoo hoo hoo, you seem a little out of character right now :B

* * *

Dirk smiled ever so slightly. Jackpot.

TT: Come on Crock-pot. I'm just tryin to get you to respond. This is of utmost importance.

GG: Oh really? What could be so important that you call me by my real name, and start begging, Mr. Strider?

His small smirk disappeared. Begging? Since when. He didn't beg. He never begged. Oh... she must have been referring to his "please."

TT: A minor scuff in my cool kid appearance. Had to get some shit done, and that was the only way to get your attention.

GG: Hmm :B

GG: So what was so important that you needed to drag me out of my self pitying state with your begging and name calling? :B

He swallowed for a moment, contemplating his response. He got this far, and wasn't reeling back. But it was only now that he realized if he told her he knew she was upset, that she would figure out that Lil' Sebs was spying on her for him...

"Hmm... This proves difficult..." He stared at the blinking text in front of him, the light blue toothy emoticon making him smile slightly. He read her reply again, and his eyebrows scrunched under his glasses.

TT: What do you mean "Self Pitying state?"

GG: ...

His frown was now visible on his lips.

TT: Crock-pot. What's up?

GG: Hoo hoo! Nothing really. :B

TT: I highly doubt that.

GG: Okay. It's nothing extremely serious. I just... Well I kind of friend zoned myself. That's all :B No biggie, I'll be fine. It's not like I was expecting to marry the guy or anything...

His breath caught in his throat.

_Wait... she **liked** someone? ... God damnit._

TT: Wait. Who exactly are we talking about?

GG: None of your concern ;B

TT: Come on, Crock-Pot. You can't just leave me in the dark here. I don't do ignorance well. Whose the crush?

GG: I'm not telling :B

TT: ...

GG: :B

He couldn't stop the frown on his face.

TT: Why not?

* * *

_AUGH! Why am I even talking to this sack of gay man stealer?_ _She frowned, flopping her head down for a few seconds. And why did I even tell him all of this? Now he wants to know who I like... _She let out a sigh, turning her head back to Lil' Seb.

"Well? What do YOU suggest I do?" she inquired the metal rabbit. It only cocked its head to the side. "I wish you were more vocal." The bunny did not respond. The computer let out another ringing sound, and she turned to look at the screen.

TT: Crocker?

_I swear he's got the patience of a fly!_ She couldn't stop the giggle. Wait. No. She was supposed to be mad at him for stealing her (potential) man! She couldn't help posting the next 3 letters and a period.

GG: Grr.

TT: What?

She frowned. How could he be so oblivious? He knew she only had 3 friends, and only one other one of them was male. How did he not figure out that the person she liked was Jake? Maybe he DID like wallowing in what he called "Ignorance." Whatever. She sat up, typing again.

GG: Sigh. Okay, fine. you win.

Wait. What was she saying? No, Jane. Shut up. Stop typing! Right now! This is NOT a good idea!

TT: Hmm?

Jane. Shut up. Right now. Don't dig your hole of despair even deeper. Move away from the keyb-

GG: Okay, so I like(d) Jake, okay?

_What the heck, fingers? Listen to your brain!_

GG: And i know how you feel about him.

She didn't even look up at the screen as she typed.

GG: And he just asked me about my feelings and stuff.

TT: Wait. What?

GG: And I panicked, okay? He was talking about how he knew you were gay for him, and how awkward it would be if I liked him.

TT: Wait hold up!

GG: So I just started typing stuff and I wasn't even realizing it. Like my brain and my hands were two separate entities.

TT: Hold on a minute.

GG: Kinda like right now I think. Anyway, I told him that I didn't like him like that, and how weird that would be!

TT: I'm straight.

GG: And he was really relieved and stuff, saying that he'd be totally fine if you came on to him, and how he might even try it out.

TT: Crock-pot.

GG: He was saying all this like he really liked you and stuff... So I just cheered him on and stuff...

TT: Crocker.

GG: So I ended up friend zoning myself and leading him to homosexuality in the same pesterchum thing!

TT: JANE!

GG: And now I'm blabbing everything to the guy who practically stole my crush from underneath me, without even saying anything to him, and I have no idea why. It's like you've thrown a truth potion through the computer screen, and now I'm blabbing, again, like a freaking idiot about m feelings to the guy who made me feel like this!

GG: WHAT?

It was only then that she felt the cold tear streaming down her cheek. _No. Crockers do not cry._ She wiped the tear away, sniffling slightly. Lil' Seb reached out to pap her face, but she pushed him away. "Not now Seb." The computer let out another ringing sound, the sound somehow making her fingers and her head click harmoniously.

_What did I just do?_ She felt her face pale of color as she realized what exactly she had just told the spikey shaded man. She swallowed, not wanting to look up at the text on the screen. _Oh god oh God oh God what have you done? You just gave Shades so much ammo against you! You're dead meat! Bail! Bail!_ She looked up at the screen, covering her eyes slightly with her fingers, peeping through the small cracks.

TT: I'm straight.

She stopped breathing.

What?

_WHAT?_

GG: What?

TT: I'm straight.

* * *

He couldn't help it. He was laughing. His glasses had slipped down his face, and he finally just removed them, placing them on the desk next to him as he gave out the most appealing sound to ever come from a male's voice.

_She thought I was gay! Oh this is GOOD!_

He ran his fingers slightly through his hair, his face red from the giggling that had just occurred. He hadn't laughed like this since his Bro flipped his shit when he put Cal under his sheets.

_How does she do this to me?_ He moved his fingers back to the keys, attempting (but failing) to return his face to its stoic poker face.

TT: Straight as a line in math class.

GG: ...

TT: I like...

TT:...

TT:...

TT:...

GG: Okay I get it!

TT: Good.

His face was slowly calming down, the goofy, totally out of character grin turning back into a stoic line, with the edges only slightly upturned. He waited patiently for her response, slipping his glasses back onto his nose.

GG: Wow. Umm... this is awkward... :B

TT: Hey at least you weren't mistaken to be a homosexual.

GG: ... Sorry about that.

TT: It's cool. Where did you even get that notion?

GG: Jake told me...

TT: Hmm.

GG: He thinks you like him :B

GG: And I'm pretty sure he likes you.

TT: I don't.

GG: Well, in light of new information, duh :B

TT: Yup.

GG: So...

His heart rate picked up for half a second, hope filling him as he looked at the blue text.

_she knows I'm straight. That I don't like Jake... Maybe... Maybe..._ He couldn't help but mentally slap himself for the non-cool thoughts going through his head. But he couldn't squish the hope.

That was her job.

GG: I have a chance with Jake now! :B

Ouch.

Stabbed through the chest. **(An: Haha...)**

He took a deep breath. _No duh. Of course. She just told you she liked him... How can you be so stupid? __No. shut up. you're acting like **her** right now!_

TT: Yup. Congrats. You're home free. Go get him girl.

GG: Hoo hoo hoo!

TT: But...

GG: Oh no. What? :B

TT: He likes me, right?

GG: ...

GG: Yeah...

TT: So even if I didn't reciprocate, how are you going to get him to get over his homosexuality and start liking you?

GG: Hey! He may be bi...

TT: True.

GG: But I guess you're right. :B

GG: I have no idea.

A small idea was forming in his head. But when a small idea forms in Dirk Strider's head, in a matter of seconds, it is no longer small. It is a large, well thought out plan that WILL end in success. And now he had a plan. And when a Strider has a plan, shit gets done. He had more trouble keeping his smile down.

TT: I can help you.

GG: What do you mean?

TT: I know my bro like I know my puppets. Why do you think he likes me? Cuz we're best bros.

GG: Oh!

TT: so I can help a sister out.

GG: Really? :B

TT: Yeah. Why not? Got nothing better to do. Plus, I don't like the idea of having him crushing on me.

TT: So yeah. I'll help you.

GG: Oh my goodness! Thank you! You're so cool! I love you so much!

He twitched. _Yeah you do._

TT: Cool story, sis. Why don't we meet up? I can start helping you now.

GG: Right now?

TT: I just said that.

GG: But I'm on house arrest.

TT: Then I'll come over to your house.

GG: Okay! :B

TT: Be there in 10.

GG: Great! See you then! Hoo hoo hoo!

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

Dirk leaned back in his chair, putting his hands behind his head.

Why was it so easy for him to get the irons in the fire?

* * *

She was very giddy very fast, running around her room and quickly cleaning up, tossing everything into cabinets and quickly running a brush through her hair before opening her window and leaning out, looking down the street. She knew Dirk. When he said 10, he didn't mean 10 minutes. He meant 2. He lived about 6 blocks away, a 2 mile walk.

But he wasn't walking. She leaned out her window, spotting the red dot in the distance, and waved, a goofy smile touching her lips. The red dot turned into a red smudge in half a second, and then Dirk was breaking in front of her, his hover board puttering slightly. He snatched her waving hand quickly, bringing it to his lips. He didn't kiss her hand, but instead, looked up at her, eyes hidden behind the shades. He whispered.

"My lady?" He couldn't stop the small smirk that appeared on his face when her face turned a slight shade of red. She pulled her hand away, rolling her eyes.

"And you wonder why Jake thinks you're gay." She pulled away from the window. "Come in." He jumped through the window, shutting his board off, and resting it in the corner. He turned around again, standing up straight and looking around her room.

"Nice crib, crockpot."

"Yeah thanks. Go ahead and sit anywhere. I'll be back with some snacks. You like cookies, right?" She turned to him with her goofy grin. He nodded curly. She smiled wider (if possible) and trotted away. He looked back and forth between her chest and her bed, and decided that flopping on her bed would be better. He walked over to the bed, picking up the two bunnies on it, and moving them to the pillows. He sat down on the bed, and turned to Lil' seb, who was still chillin on the desk.

"Oi. Come here." He called. The rabbit jumped off the table, and wandered over to Dirk. He picked the bunny up, and quickly popped the head open, pulling out some of his tools (in which he had packed for this specific reason). Lil' seb shut down once the ears split from his skull, revealing the cogs and boards inside. He quickly popped in a new chip, tightened a few bolts, and closed Seb's head again. Seb hopped off his lap just in time for Jane to re-enter, holding a plate of steaming cookies. She looked back and forth for a moment before noticing him on the bed. She blushed ever so lightly, and walked over to him, placing the plate of cookies on the edge of the bed before sitting on the ground in front of him.

They sat like that, in silence, for quite a while, Dirk chewing on his first cookie thoughtfully, waiting. Finally, Jane coughed slightly, breaking the silence.

"So... uhh... How do you plan to help me?"

He smiled ever so slightly, glad she was facing away from him. "Simple. You just have to learn how to be like a strider."

She turned around, looking at him with a cocked head. God it was cute. "Why would I do that?"

"Well, he likes me, right?"

"Mmm..."

"Then if you treat him with the coolness that I do, maybe he'll like you." He stared at her through his shades as her face brightened in realization.

"By golly gee, you're right!" She almost jumped out of her skin with this new epiphany. After a few moments, though, she frowned. It was still cute. "But... how do I do that?"

"Well... what makes me so awesome? Why do you think he likes me?" He asked, pushing the iron even deeper into the fire. She looked up at the celling, smiling slightly.

"Easy. You're smart. You're cool. You're nice. You've always got our best interest at heart. You're a great rapper. You emanate 'coolness.' You're good looking. You can do anything that you set your heart to. And you've got all of your stuff together." She smiled, looking back at him.

He was very glad he had his shades on, else she'd have seen his wide eyes. It took him a bit of concentration to stop his mouth from opening in shock. _How is she not already in love with me if she thinks I'm that awesome?_

Instead, he nodded curtly. "Okay. So if you want him to like you, you've gotta be like that."

"Uhh... That sounds hard... I'm not Strider... I'm just ordinary Jane..." She blushed lightly, looking down at her feet. He frowned. He hated it when she ragged on herself.

_Push the iron. Push it. Get this shit rolling._

He leaned forward, touching her shoulder lightly. She looked up, her eyes sparkling. He ever so slightly tipped his glasses downward, revealing his orange irises to her. "Trust me, Jane. You can do this."

* * *

_oh god oh god oh god oh god stop blushing! stop it! Stop right now! Face, I command you to return to your original color! _

She couldn't. His eyes were so... _breathtaking!_

_Jane. _Her inner voice warned her. _Jane stop it._ _Jake. Remember Jake. Jaaaaake! _She shook her head from side to side, quickly averting her gaze from Dirk. Right. Jake. She looked up at him after a few moments, glad that he had slipped his glasses back up, hiding those glorious (_Jane. stop it)_ eyes. She swallowed.

"Okay... So how do I do this?" He removed his hand from her shoulder. God, why was her shoulder so warm all of a sudden? Dirk leaned back, but not before grabbing another cookie.

"Well, one thing a strider does is show up at houses randomly, with style."

"Like, through the window on a hover board?"

"Exactly."

"I can't ride a hoverboard..."

"Well we'll have to fix that eventually. But until then, maybe you'll just do the showing up randomly thing."

"I'm on house arrest."

"But you've got me." he took another bite of his cookie as she turned around, looking at him. He nodded slightly. "You're on house arrest so you'll be safe. Well, when you're with me, You're safer than anyone in the world." He could see the blush on her face again. He kept going. "I'll protect you."

Woop. There it is. How did a face even GET that red?

she coughed awkwardly, turning away. "Uhh... O-Okay."

"Sweet." He jumped off the bed in one swift motion, and quickly grabbed her hand, pulling her to her feet. As she stumbled over her words and her feet, he dragged her to the window, grabbing his board on the way. "Let's get going."

He threw the board out the window, and it turned on automatically. Quickly, he jumped out the window, dragging her with him, and quickly standing her on the board, him in front. He turned around, facing forward. "You may want to hold on..."

* * *

"Hold on? To wha- AAAH!" He took off, and she learned in a matter of milliseconds what exactly she was meant to hold on to. She would have been blushing about her hands on his abs if she were not currently fearing for her life.

They were at Jake's house in 4 minutes. He lived a little farther away from Jane than Dirk did. When Dirk stopped, landing in front of their house, she fell to the floor, grasping the grass happily. "Oh sweet land! Land! I love land!"

"Chill out. It was just a little air time." She heard him say. She whipped around, glaring at him.

"You decided to do a 360."

"It was worth the girly screams."

"Shutup!" She blushed a little.

"Your face seems to be getting red a lot. You sure you like Bro and not me?" He asked. He was teasing. She knew it. She stood, brushing off what was left of her dignity, and held her chin high.

"Yes." She nodded her head. "You're just doing awkward things. Any normal female would blush at those..."

"You sure it's not because I'm the shit?"

She paused for a moment, faltering over her words. Finally, she answered. "Mmhmm."

Was that a smile?

No. Striders don't smile. Striders never smile.

"Shall we get this show on the road?" he asked. She looked up at his shades, and nodded.

"What do I do?"

"Simple. Walk up to the door, put on your swag, and ring the bell."

She froze. "That's it?"

"Yup."

"No special tricks? Just swag and ring?"

"Mmhmm."

"But..."

"Jane." His voice was a warning.

"Okay..." She puffed out her chest, trying to put her hands in her pockets, only to realize she had none. Her hands slipped goofily off the sides of her skirt. She blushed lightly before hooking her thumbs in her skirt, and bending backward ever so slightly, walking up to Jake's door.

* * *

This was the funniest shit he had ever seen. Jane, trying swag.

Best. Plan. Ever.

But he figured he should stop this train-wreck before she got to the door. He reached out and stopped her, turning her around to face him. He quickly moved his hands to her own hands, pulling her thumbs out of her skirt, and touching her back lightly, causing her to stand up straight. Her face turned slightly red under his touch. He stopped the smile threatening to emerge.

"You looked stupid."

"Hey!" She pouted slightly. It was so cute. He ran a hand quickly through his own hair.

"Okay look. That isn't swag. I think I explained this wrong. Swag is something that is different for every person. That right there was swag for a hipster or something. You gotta create your own swag. Jane Swag. got it?" He ruffled her hair slightly. She lifted her own hands to her hair, fixing it fervently. His mouth twitched for half a second, stopping before she looked up at him.

"Okay... so... Be myself?"

"Yeah."

"But you told me to be like you."

"Scratch that. You suck at being me."

"Hey!"

"I speak truth."

"Yeah..." she looked down. God she was so cute.

"So try again."

"Okay!" she smiled up at him, turning around abruptly, and almost _skipping_ to Jake's door, knocking instead of ringing.

* * *

_What in the devil fucking dickens are they **doing** down_ there? Jake stared out his window, watching as the whole scene between his bro-friend and Jane unfolded. What was this? Why was Jane acting so weird? And blushing? And why were they doing this outside his house? And why was she blushing? Why didn't they say they were coming to visit? Why are his hands touching hers? Ah. His hand is on her back. What is going on?

He watched them talk for a little while longer, and then Jane skipped out of his view.

He watched Dirk, very glad for his sharp-shooter's eye.

He watched him as his head obviously followed Jane's bobbing body. His own jaw dropped open when he saw Dirk's face go red ever so slightly. Dirk reached backward, scratching the back of his head. As he shifted slightly on his foot. As he smiled.

He _smiled! _

Suddenly, Jake knew. He was mistaken. Dirk wasn't gay.

He didn't like him.

He liked _Jane._

And Jake just told Jane that he was 99% sure that he liked _him._ And she was the most trusting, and oblivious female she had ever known.

He knew he messed up.

"Jade!"

"Hmm?"

"I'm not here."

"Wha-"

"Please..."

"Uhh... Okay..."

The doorbell rang.

* * *

"Oh I'm sorry sweetie, Jake isn't here right now."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah. Sorry bout that."

"Oh it's okay, I'll just come by later or something."

"That's a good idea."

Dirk stared at the window in the corner of the house, watching as Jake's matted hair moved out of his view.

_Little bastard._ His eyes flicked back to Jane, who was walking to him, her shoulders slumped, defeated.

_This was not part of the plan... Gotta think of something new... come on, Strider, you're never blind sighted like this! think of something!_

She looked up at him, smiling sadly. "Hey. We tried. Wanna just go home?"

_Oh. That works._

"Sure."

"Cool. We still have that plate of cookies... and we can watch a movie or something..."

"Sounds legit. Come on." He turned to his board, only to be jerked to a stop by her grabbing his hand with both of hers. He turned to her. "Hmm?"

Her face was both blushing and pale at the same time. "Uhh... let's walk."

He smiled, messing her hair up again.

"Sure thing, Crock-Pot."

* * *

She watched him as he flicked the board under his arm, and started walking down the street. She was still frozen in place, staring at him as he walked away. Finally, he turned to her. "You coming?"

She blinked a few times, and then quickly nodded, jogging to catch up with him.

He...

He _Smiled..._


	2. Chapter 2

So maybe this wasn't going to be as easy as he suspected. Just because irons were in the fire didn't mean they were heating up correctly. In fact, sometimes, they just melted into a useless pile of nothingness in the smoldering heat. And his irons in the fire were rather quickly becoming the nothingness of a fate worse than that of a friend zone.

"I mean, him being gay is totally fine. It's not like it's illegal or anything. And he has the right to be gay too. I mean," She sniffed, plopping dollop after dollop of cookie dough onto the cold sheet. She seemed to be paying very little attention to where they landed, and had to constantly re-adjust their position so they didn't overlap each other. She wiped her eyes slightly, and popped a small chunk of dough in her mouth, chewing and swallowing before finishing her rant. He tried to stop it before-

"Crocker-"

"I'm sure you two would be great together! You both are so strong and stuff, I'm sure you'd have a lot of fun! And it's really obvious just how much he likes you! Maybe you should try it out... It would make him happy..." She picked up the now full cookie sheet, and walked over to the oven, brushing past him lightly as she maneuvered through the small kitchen. He was in the kitchen with her, leaning against the cold linoleum, watching and listening as she baked and ranted.

"Crocker-"

"Oh shucks! I forgot to preheat the oven!" She ignored him again as she flicked the dial to 350 degrees, and placed the cookie sheet down. She let out a sigh, her shoulders slumping slightly as she ran one of her hands through her hair, resting the other on the side of the counter.

_Face me! Please... I want to see your face..._

"Haha... I guess I'm just meant to be that old lady who bakes for the neighborhood..." He watched her silently as her shoulders tensed, and shook lightly. He listened to her sniff as she wiped a small tear away. He awkwardly shifted his weight, trying ever so hard to resist the urge to pull her into a hug. He knew her. He knew she would just see it as pity. And the last thing he needed was her thinking he pitied her.

She pulled her hand out of her hair, and moved it to her eyes, rubbing them lightly, and letting out a small sniff. He couldn't stop himself from placing a hand on her shoulder. She jumped lightly, but turned to face him. He twitched at the sight of her glistening eyes, and wet cheeks. He could see the despair in her eyes as she stared up at him. "He... he didn't even want to see me... What did I do wrong?"

_Oh fuck! She knew he was home!_

He pulled her into a hug, wrapping his arms around her, one around her waist, the other on her head, lightly pushing her face into his shoulder. She didn't struggle, and, instetad, let out a small wail, her shoulders shaking freely. She wrapped her own arms around him, her small fingers gripping at the back of his shirt as she nuzzled into his shoulder. He could feel each teardrop soaking into the cotton.

He whispered the only thing that his fried brain could manage at this point. "It's okay... It's okay..."

"And I know this shouldn't be such a big deal! I'm just a teenager! I mean..." Her voice was muffled in his shirt, but he could still understand every word. "It's not like he's the last guy on the earth, or we were destined for each other by some weird twist of fate or something." She sniffed, and pulled away from him, laughing bitterly at the terrible state of her face. He hated letting go of her small frame. She looked up at him, her eyes still sparkling with tears. "But now... Now we're all upset!" The look of horror on her face made him cringe. "Because I like him, and he's gay... and he likes you... and you're straight... and you're just stuck in the middle of everything! I'm so sorry..." She turned her face down, and pivoted back to the oven, just in time to stop the oven before it beeped wildly, telling her that it was preheated. She opened the oven, and in one swift movement, slipped the cookies in, slammed the door shut, and set the timer with a flick of her wrist. She turned again, facing him. "Let's just drop this. It's depressing me, and I'm sure you aren't liking it much either." She walked out of the kitchen, and he silently followed her into the living room, where she plopped on the couch, patting the seat next to her. He sat quietly next to her, analyzing her face as she stared out the window at her dad washing his car for the 4th time in the same day.

He was unable to drop it, his mind spinning at a million miles an hour.

_Come on, Strider, Think! Jane likes Jake, and Jake likes me. I like Jane. Jake thinks I'm gay for him. Jane knows i'm not. Jane thinks Jake hates her because he didn't want to see her earlier today. I have been officially... what? Not friend-zoned... Something worse... but... what?_

"Hoohoo... Maybe you should just go gay for him!" She laughed bitterly. "Then at least you and he'd be happy!"

Gay zoned. He's been gay zoned.

_ Oh hell no._

"Crocker... There's nothing wrong with being gay and shit, but I'm just not turned on by dicks."

She blushed, her face turning bright red in a matter of milliseconds.

"Even my own dick can turn me off sometimes." He stated matter-of-factly, enjoying the obvious discomfort crossing her dainty features.

"Dirk!" She punched his shoulder, reminding him just why he gave her Lil Seb.

"That was the lamest punch I have ever felt, Crocker."

"Oh shutup! I'm a baker, not a fighter!" She stuck her tounge out at him, the first smile in a while gracing her face.

He nodded. "There we go, Crocker. You look much better with your buck teeth showing in that goofy ass grin than with waterworks n shit." He pushed her lightly, making her topple down onto the couch. Okay... maybe it wasn't as light as he thought... She let out a small laugh, sitting up again.

"I guess..." Her face fell again as she stared at her thumbs. His hand quickly shot out, grabbing both her hands in his large one. He aknowleged her slight blush as he squeezed her hands. She looked up at him, curiousity on her face.

_Irons in the fire. Irons in the fire. Don't let all your work become worthless piles of shit, Strider! _

His nostrils flared as he sucessfully swallowed his blush and stared at the celieng. "Crocker... How many times has Jake made you smile?"

The silence that followed almost broke his poker face. He pushed on.

"Made you laugh?"

She was still silent.

"Been there for you?"

He could hear her lips part in an attempt to answer his question. She took in a breath, and her face scrunched in thought. after a few moments, she closed her mouth again, frowning.

He pushed forward. "Why do you like him?"

"Well I..." her voice caught in her throat. "I..." She looked back down at her hands, still engulfed in his. "I don't know..."

"Personally, I think he's a little too self centered for you."

"What?" she started, looking at him with shock. He squeezed her hand.

"Well, he thinks I like him, and he told me once that he thinks you like him. And don't even get me started on how he thinks Roxy likes him."

"Huh?"

"Crocker, English thinks he is the definition of 'The Shit.' If he were any more into himself, he'd be that greek god Narcissus."

She giggled. "Really?"

He stared up at the celieng. "Really." He nodded his head slightly. "I can garuntee that if he doesn't get the guy, he'll get some other person or something. Maybe he's bi. Maybe he'll date Roxy. Maybe he'll find a carbon copy of himself and fall in love with that. That guy will never be alone. His massive ego will always keep him company."

She giggled again, and he squeezed her hand. She squeezed back, and then began running small circles on the back of his hand with her thumb. "What are you trying to get at, Mr. Strider?"

"Give up on him."

She froze.

_Don't back up now, Strider. Keep going. Just keep going._

"He doesn't like you."

"I know..." Her shoulders slumped.

"And he's too blind to see that you like him."

"I know..." She choked on her words a bit, trying to swallow down her tears.

"And there are other fish in the sea."

"I... I know..." She squeezed his hand. "I know..." Her head drooped. The water outside shut off, leaving the living room eerily silent. Dirk listened as Jane's dad walked around the house. He quickly stood, pulling his hand from hers.

"Your dad is coming." She looked up at the door.

"Mmm..."

"I better go."

"Mmm..." She looked back at her now empty hands. He cringed at her sad face, and quickly bent down, scruffling her hair again. She looked up at him, her blue eyes sad.

"Hey. Just think about it, okay? He's not worth shit as your boyfriend." She was silent. He frowned. "Think about it." She nodded slightly. Satisfied, he flash-stepped to his board, and quickly absconded, leaving her in the empty living room with her thoughts.

~%&~

"Beeep beeep beep beep beeep beep beeep beep beep beep beep beep!"

"Jane. Your timer is going off."

"Beep beep beep beep beep!"

"Jane! Your cookies are going to burn!"

"Beep beep beep beep!"

"JANE!"

"Beep beep beep beep- Click chunk!"

"They are cooling on top of the oven, whenevery you're ready... Don't go outside." She listened silently as her father tromped up the stairs, leaving her alone in the living room, the scent of fresh cookies wafting through the house. After about three minutes, she mumbled a 'Thank you,' and then dropped herself into a lying position on the couch, resting her elbow over her eyes.

It only took a few moments for Lil Seb to hop up onto her chest, curling up on her stomach and humming mechanically. She smiled.

"Hey Lil Sebs. It never takes you long to find me." She reached down with one of her hands, and lightly tweaked one of the ears, smiling as it popped back into place. She moved her other arm from her eyes, and looked down at the small rabbit. "Dirk's right, you know." She scooted herself upward a bit so she could rest her head against the side of the couch, and pet Lil Seb easier. "I don't know why I like him." She blinked a few times, letting out a small yawn. "Maybe it's because he's cute? But Dirk is cute too..." She felt her face get slightly hot, and shook her head from side to side, dispersing the thought. She smiled down at the bunny in her lap, and let out a small sigh. "Maybe I should give up on him. I mean... he IS gay... I think..." her face scrunched. "I need a cookie."

Lil' Seb took the hint, and jumped from her stomach to her shoulders, allowing her to stand and head to the kitchen, the small bunny hitching a ride by her head. She trotted into the kitchen, and filled a small bowl with 4 or 5 cookies before retreating upstairs to her own room, where she decided a small nap wouldn't be a bad idea... She drifted off rather quickly with Lil' Sebs curled next to her head.

~%&~

_**golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering **__**timaeusTestified [TT]**_

GT: Top of the morning to you, Mr. Strider!

_Come on, ol' buddy ol' pal, talk to me! _

GT: Mr. Strider? Where in the devil-fuckin'-dickens are you?

GT: I've got a lovely bone to pick with my pal!

_Oh Come on! Just answer your damn computer!_

TT: It seems you have a bone to pick with me. I am ready to listen.

GT: Oh for fucks sake!

TT: It seems you are upset. What is wrong.

**GolgothasTerror [GT] has set his mood to Rancourous.**

TT: It seems you are upset with me. I am slightly confused, and would like to know why.

GT: This is the AR. I know it, you douch bag pair of glasses. mail me when Dirk is home.

TT: Come on, man, don't you want to talk to a pair of glasses? I'm cool to, aren't I?

GT: I guess, but you're an inatimate pair of shades in which I can not converse about what I need to!

TT: Sure you can, babe!

GT: Did you really just call me babe?

TT: What's wrong with that, babe? I can't call a hot piece of ass what it truly is?

GT: ...

GT: It was you! :O

TT: It seems you have had some sort of epiphone, care to explain?

GT: YOU'RE the one who has a crush on me!

TT: ...

GT: YOU were the one fucking with my emotions!

TT: I have done no such thing.

GT: Of Devil-Fucking Course you have! You were the one flirting with me! I thought Dirk liked me! I got my hopes up thinking he liked me!

TT: And what if he does?

GT: He likes Jane!

TT: Where did you recieve that false bit of information?

GT: Oh for fucks sake! It's not false! I saw the way he looked at her! He's shades over heels for her and her cookie baking tastic ass!

TT: You are mistaken.

GT: Oh really?

TT: Yes. I have been helping him make moves on you because I know for a fact that he likes you, and I'm doing what he can't. I've specifically downloaded 15 different flirting sites to my hardware for this purpose.

GT: And how in the devil fucking dickens do you know he loves me? Hmm?

TT: Easy. He sent you Lil' Sebastian to protect you and make sure you were always happy.

GT: Oh for God's sake!

TT: Isn't that proof enough?

TT: Not to mention he sent BroBot to beat the shit out of Jane every day. It's pretty obvious who he likes and who he doesn't.

GT: He sent Brobot to me.

GT: And he sent Lil' Sebastian to Jane.

GT: It was the opposite way.

TT: ...

GT: Hello?

TT: It seems I have fucked up big time. I am very remorseful, and think I should probably self destruct before Dirk reads this.

GT: ...

GT: Now hold on one cotton-picking second! There's no need for that!

GT: We just gotta think of a way to fix this predicament...

TT: How bad can you having a little crush on him be? That doesn't seem like much of a predicament.

GT: I told Jane that he was gay for me.

TT: Oh fuck.

GT: Yeah.

TT: Well shit.

GT: Yeah.

TT: Damn.

GT: Yes. We get it. I messed up, you messed up. We're in a 6 foot hole. you can stop cussing now.

TT: Damn fuck shitting bitches.

GT: Was that necessary?

TT: Yes. Yes it was.

TT: Titties.

GT: Well can you think of a way out of this?

TT: Hey dude, I'm just a pair of shades. You're on your own here. Sorry!

_****__**timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering **__**golgothasTerror [GT]**_

GT: Oh fuck.

Jake leaned back in his bed, staring at the celieng, his face contorted in a deep frown, his own shipping chart flowing through his mind.

_Dirk likes Jane. I thought he liked me. The auto responder likes me? Who does Jane like? Who do I like? Oh this is very confusing..._ He facepalmed, leaning back on his bed and letting out an exasperated sigh.

~%&~

AN: I'm gonna keep the AN short, cuz i know ya'all hate reading this stuff. Anyway, I want YOUR opinion! Who should Jake have a crush on? Jane, Dirk, The Auto Responder, or Roxy?


	3. Chapter 3

**golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]**

GT: Jane.

GT: Jane.

GT: Mrs. Crocker!

GT: Jane, now I hate to be of botherations to you and all, but I have some very important business in which we need to discuss.

GT: Jane?

"Nyuuuuuuhhh!" Jane rolled over in her bed, lifting a spare pillow and slamming it over her head, trying very hard to ignore the constant clinging of her pester chum. _Gosh darn it! Why didn't I shut that thing off?_ She moaned as she felt the bed squirm under Lil' Seb's movement. He hopped off the bed, but she was too occupied with trying to ignore that infernal noise to wonder where the small rabbit was going.

GT: Jane. It is of utmost importants that you speak with me.

GT: Are you ignoring me?

GT: Jane?

GT: Janey girl?

"AUGH! Shut up!" she flipped the pillow from under her head to over her head, attempting with all her might to drown out that blasted noise. She could still hear it though... along with the mechanic pitter patter of Lil' Seb's feet as he crossed her room. She heard him as his little robotic knees bent... and she heard his feet as he landed on the desk. Her grimace quickly turned into a smile. _'Atta boy!_

_"_Sebs! Will you do me a wonderful favor, and shut off the sound to that thing please?" Her request was quickly granted, and she smiled as she heard the sound slowly diminishing. "Good bunny... best friend..." She closed her eyes, glad to be able to sleep in silence again. or at least mostly complete silence. She could hear Lil' Sebs mashing on the keyboard. Meh. She'd worry about it later.

GT: Jane, okay, I'll just say what i want to say, and maybe you'll see it later, okay?

GG: xskbjhez"sx aslkeerpo

GT: What?

GG: xshjwe';sd sdlkweewpimngf

GT: Okay, I'm truly sorry Jane, but I do not speak Key-Mash. Could you please type more clearly?

If mechanical rabbits had internal thoughts and emotions, Lil' Sebs would currently be something along the lines of _BLASTED NO OPPOSABLE THUMBS AND CLUNKY PAWS THAT CAN'T HIT ONE KEY AT A TIME!_ But unfortunately, all the little rabbit could do was attempt again. He typed "she's asleep."

GG: sdhjer'sd assdl;ererp[

GT: Is this some sort of joke?

GT: I thought you were a better prankster than this, Jane.

GG: bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb bbbbbbbbghj

That last one was the actual equivalent of an annoyed mechanical robot's head slamming into the keyboard. oh _NOW_ he can hit one key.

GT: Or are you mad at me? I would understand if you were mad at me...

GT: I mean... I was mistaken in a few different things...

GT: Thinking Dirk liked me and all...

GG: bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb bbb

GT: Yes. B to you too. But seriously.

GT: I'm sorry for everything.

GT: Truth is, I just made a lot of assumptions.

GT: Golly gee I'm not a very good friend, am I?

GG: bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb

GT: Aaand that's all you're saying back to me...

GG: bbbbbbbbbb

GT: You must be really mad at me...

GT: That's reasonable...

GG: bbbbb bbbbbbbbbbbb bbbbbbbbbbbb bbbbbbbbbb bbbb bbbbbbbbbb bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb bbbbb bbbbbbbbbbb bbbbbbbb bbbbbbb

GT: You have every right to be mad at me.

GG: bv bv cbvv cvbc cvbc cvb vb vb

And that one? That would be the rabbit now slamming his head into the keyboard repeatedly.

GT: I mean... I told you that Dirk was Gay.

GG: cv cvcv

GT: He's not...

GG: vbc bvv bc c bvc bv

"Sebs. What are you doooiiiinggg...?" Jane mumbled, pulling the pillows over her head even more.

GT: Hell, I'd never want to see me again if I told me stuff like that.

GT: But, I really want to stay friends with you.

GG: vb fgcv

GT: Even though I was mean.

GG: vc b cv

GT: Because... You're a beautiful kind sweet woman.

"Sebs..."

GG: x cvxc v

GT: And I enjoy spending time with you...

GG: cv cv cbv cv

GG: xcvc v cv cv vcxx df

GG: cvxc xcv cvx c

GG: vx xcv xcv cxvx c xcv c

GG: xvc v cxv cvx cvx cvx xcv cxv xcv

GG: xcv xcv xcvx cv xcv xcv xcvxc v xcvxc xc

GG: v cxv cvx vxc cv cvx cxvcx v cvxc vxcx cvx cxv cvx

GG: cvx cxvx cvxc c v cvbcvb cv cvb cvb cvbcv bcvb cvx cvb cv bcv vcc bvxcv fdddddddddddfd cvx xcvvvvvvxc c v cvbcvb cv cvb cvb cvbcv bcvb cvx cvb cdf bvd fvc c cv fdvc cv vc g fgcv v cvcvc cv f fgdcv cv cv cv v vvvvxc c v cvbcvb cv cvb cvb cvbcv bcvb cvx cvb cdf bvd fvc c cv fdv c cv vc g fgcv v cvcvc cv f fgdcv c

GG: vb

"Sebs! What are you doing?" Jane whipped her head out from under the pillow, and shot a glare at the rabbit. The glare quickly turned into a rather confused grimace. "Sebs! NO! Bad bunny! You're going to break my keyboard!" She jumped up, tripping over the blankets that had snaked themselves around her ankles as she stumbled across the room, falling forward and just barely catching herself on her desk chair. Unfortunately, desk chairs normally have wheels. Her desk chair was no exception, and it rolled out from under her upper body, sending her slamming into the ground. She lay there for a few moments, stunned, before Lil' Sebs landed by her head, and poked her face. She shot a glare at him. "This is your fault."

The robotic rabbit only stared at her, blinking once, and tilting its head to the side. She let out an exasperated sigh before pushing herself up, and into the desk chair, rolling her eyes as Lil' Sebs innocently hopped into her lap, as if it had done nothing wrong. She glared down at it for a few more moments before giving in, and petting it's head. Finally, she turned to the computer.

And shot another glare at Lil' Sebs. It only stared at her.

GT: Uhh... Jane?

She couldn't help but smile now. Lil' Sebs head banging filled the whole screen with her own blue text, hiding anything that Jake could have possibly said before. She snorted a bit, quickly typing a response.

GG: Oh sorry Jake! Lil' Sebs got onto the computer while I was trying to sleep! I think his paws are too big for the individual keys, so he got aggravated! When I looked over, he was banging his head on the keyboard! hehehe :B

GT: Oh! Well that darned explains a lot!

GG: Yeah! Hehe, but I'm awake now! Fell down on the way to the computer!

GT: oh my! Are you alright?

GG: Yes! :B I'm fine! But that definitely woke me up!

GG: But I'm wondering if you said anything before my pet began spamming you! do you mind if I scroll up and read it?

GT: Uhh...

GT: well...

GT: hehe... this is awkward...

GG: What?

GT: well... I thought you'd read it while I was not here... or you were already reading it...

GG: :?

GT: Okay... uhh.. go ahead!

GG: Okay! Give me a few minutes! :B

GT: alrighty then.

GT: ...

GT: Jane?

GT: Jane?

GG: Oh sorry! It took me a bit longer to read! Scrolling through Lil' Seb's spam!

GT: oh...

GG: Anyway, Jake, you don't have to feel bad! Dirk already told me that he was straight!

GT: He did?

GG: Yeah :B! He said that he was as straight as a...

GG: Oh what did he say...

GG: Straight as a line in math class...

GG: He liked...

GG: ...

GG: ...

GG: ...

GG: ...

GT: I get it!

GT: Geez, he's rubbing off on you!

GG: hoohoo! I guess we've been spending more time together as of late!

GT: Oh really?

GG: Yup! He's been helping me a lot with some... uhh... *boy* trouble :B

GT: ...

GG: :B

GT: well that's interesting!

GG: Yup! He's been helpful in helping me with my problems!

GG: Oh! Speaking of that! Thank you for the compliment! It made me smile!

GT: Well good! That's what compliments are supposed to do!

Jane smiled at the green text, giggling a bit. He didn't hate her! Well that's ONE problem solved! Her responses to Jake seemed so much more fluid this time than they have been as of late! She laughed, quickly typing up a response to his text, lacking that anxious jittery feeling she ever got when he spoke to her.

It was like she didn't fear saying something stupid in front of him anymore... Like the butterflies in her stomach no longer messed with her head.

Wait... _what_ butterflies?

GG: You're right! I'm sure if someone frowned at a compliment, they'd be kinda messed up in the head!

GT: Like Roxy when she's sober?

GG: Exactly! Hoohoo! :B

Those haunting little moths in her stomach that construed her thoughts and sent chills down her spine when his text appeared? They were gone.

GT: hahaha! So what are your plans for today, m'lady?

GG: Oh nothing yet! I fell asleep yesterday in my clothes... So I think I'm going to go have breakfast soon, and then get dressed and ready... and plan my day from there!

They were completely...

GT: Well that sounds like fun! I wish I could plan with you today, but I have some other...

GT: uhh...

GT: things...

GT: to attend to.

Gone. Just gone. Not even a small little tinge in her stomach.

GG: Oh that's alright! We'll have to touch base some other day!

GT: Yes Ma'am! Why don't you ask Mr. Strider to hang out with you today?

Her stomach jumped slightly.

GG: Dirk?

GT: Why not?

GG: Well... I dunno, he's been spending a lot of time helping me lately... hoohoo... I'm sure he's sick of me by now!

GT: Oh come on Crocker! Give yourself more credit than that! I'm sure he enjoys your company!

Now it was wiggling uncomfortably in her abdomen.

GG: You think so?

GT: I know so.

What was that? Was that the birth of... a butterfly? No. Impossible.

GG: I may just take you up on that suggestion!

GT: Well good! I believe now would be a good time for us to part, no? I have some people to talk to and stuff.

GG: Alright then! Have a good day!

GT: You too, Mrs. Crocker!

GG: Ms. Not Mrs. I'm not married, you goober! Hoo hoo!

GT: sorry, MS. Crocker.

GG: :B

**GolgothasTerror [GT] ceased pestering GutsyGumshoe [GG]**

Jane smiled, pushing away from the computer. It caught on the blanket she had pulled from her bed on her stumbling way to the desk earlier, and she almost toppled over, swinging her arms wildly till she grasped at the desk's edge. With a quick exhale, she stood, lifted the death trap blankets from their position on the floor, and returned them to their rightful place before shooting a glance at Lil' Sebs (who was sitting comatose next to her computer screen), stretching and bobbing downstairs.

By this time of day, Dad had already left for work, so Jane had to fend for herself. That wasn't that hard, since she'd been doing it all her life by now, but she had to admit that it got lonely sometimes. Being the heir of such a large company, Jane was not allowed to go to a normal school. She was home schooled. Or rather, she schooled herself.

Giving yourself straight A's isn't as satisfying as you'd think it is. It's not really what you're supposed to do either, but who would know other than herself? Besides, she learned what she needed nonetheless. It wasn't that hard to put on a stupid tiara for 30 minutes a day and get facts and smarts pumped into your brain.

Horray technology. Less time being brainwashed by the school systems, more time with friends. All hail the Baroness.

What? Who said that!

Jane shook herself out of her little daydream, and meandered into the kitchen, yanking the fridge open, and pulling out the milk. She lazily plopped it onto the counter, and turned to the cabinets. Cinnamon Toast Crunch. The only cereals in this household were Betty Crocker cereals. Typical. She pulled it out, and returned to the milk. She stared at the two items for a few moments, her brain short circuiting "Ahh... what now... Bluh I'm tired..." She blinked a few times before noticing the little note on the milk. She pulled it off, and read it.

"Bowl. Spoon. Have a good day! I'm proud of you! ~Dad"

"Oh right." She blinked a few more times, and then shuffled to the cupboard, deciding that moving on an empty stomach should be outlawed. She pulled out a bowl, and, once again, trudged to the cereal.

Dump.

Milk.

Pour.

Spoon.

Clink!

Yawn.

Shuffle.

Table.

Thunk!

Sit.

Stare.

Munch.

Yeah that was pretty much the daily routine. She lifted the bowl to her lips, drinking the last of the sweetened, cinnamon flavored milk before returning to the kitchen, and dumping her bowl and spoon in the sink. She glanced at the milk and Cinnamon goodness on the counter, and quickly put them away before stretching once more, now feeling the sustenance working itself through her system. She let out a final yawn before tossing her head side to side, expelling the final remnants of morning sleepiness, and bobbing up the stairs to the bathroom.

Strip.

Jump.

Trip.

Save!

Oh damn, tripping in the shower would not be a good thing.

Water.

COLD!

HOT!

Just right...

17 minutes and 43 seconds later, she hopped out of the steamy shower, brushed her teeth, and then retreated to her room, already thinking about what to wear.

Underwear, pants and a shirt.

Easy enough. She plops down at her desk, scrolling her mouse over to the Pester chum. She laughed lightly at the sight of the long row of light blue B's that Lil' Sebs had left on her screen. She looked over at the still comatose rabbit next to her computer, and her smile transformed into a smirk as she lightly touched his forehead. The automaton clicked and whirred as it turned its face toward her. She heard the small tick of it's eyelids blinking behind the red shades. Her eyebrows lifted slightly.

"I'm not mad at you, you know. I was just worried for my keyboard, and poor Jake. Please stop this infernal moping? It's unfitting." She bent it's ear down for a moment, and smiled as it popped back up. "Alright?" her eyebrows lifted again. Lil' Sebs nodded, and she split into a smile. "Good boy. Now. Come on!" She lifted her arm, and Lil' Sebs quickly hopped into her lap, where he belonged. She wrapped an arm around him as her eyes flickered back to Pester Chum, which had begun it's loud noise fest once more. She smiled even wider at the light orange text, attempting to ignore that one little butterfly.

_****__**timaeusTestified [TT]**__**began pestering **__******gutsyGumshoe [GG]**_

TT: Hey Crocker.

TT: Crocker.

TT: Crocker.

TT: Am I annoying you yet?

TT: You gonna make Lil' Sebs head bang the keyboard to respond to me?

TT: Yeah I heard about that.

TT: Good job.

TT: Props and shit. Takes talent to not realize letting your robot rabbit on your computer is probably not a good idea.

GG: Hey! For all I know, he could have typed up perfectly! Just look at your Auto Responder! He has brains enough to use a computer!

TT: AR was built specifically to do just that.

TT: Lil' Sebs doesn't even have opposable thumbs.

TT: What made you think that was going to work?

GG: You know why?

GG: Shut up.

GG: Shut up is why.

GG: :B

TT: Yeah whatever. Great way to start a conversation. Hey you wanna hang out today?

TT: I'm bored as fuck.

GG: Sure! I'd love to! I was actually about to ask you the same thing!

TT: Really?

GG: Yeah! I wanted to spend some time with you! Some real time! You know... without me chasing skirts?

GG: err... pants...

GG: err... shorts...

TT: Crocker you're making no sense. And I can normally speak "Jane."

TT: Spit it out.

GG: Sorry! Sorry! I want to hang out with you without talking about Jake and stuff! Just you and me, you know?

TT: Yeah I know.

GG: Awesome! So do you want to come over?

TT: Be there in 10.

_****__**timaeusTestified [TT] **__**ceased pestering **__******gutsyGumshoe [GG]**_

GG: Why do you say that? It's always more like 2.

Jane laughed, lifting Lil' Sebs off of her lap, and placing him on the desk before walking over to her window. Might as well open it now so he doesn't have to knock later. She slid the window open, and then turned around, quickly scanning her room. It wasn't a TOTAL wreck, but a few minutes of tidying wouldn't hurt... She more carefully made her bed, and tossed her dirty clothes in her closet. As she was closing the closet, her mind wandered a bit, thinking about the man coming to her house.

Her heart fluttered slightly, and she shook her head side to side, taking a deep breath. What was wrong with her heart?

She let out a small laugh, turning back to her now more tidy room, and almost jumping out of her skin.

"Hey Crocker." He nodded at her.

Now it must be noted here that Jane had gotten used to Dirk appearing at her window, sitting on her sill, his shades glinting in the light of her lamp. It no longer frightened her for him to not be there one moment, and there the next.

At her window sill.

But he wasn't at her window sill. In fact, he wasn't anywhere near her window sill.

He WAS near her face though. As in, if he were shorter than her, her breath would be fogging up his glasses. But, as it was, his straight lips were two inches from her forehead, his voice ringing in her ears.

"OH!" She jumped back, stumbling over her feet, and slamming into the closet doors. Her face lit up red almost instantaneously, her heart pounding through her chest as she stared at him. "Dirk! What the-"

"Standing by the window sill doesn't seem to scare you anymore. So I thought I'd try something new." He stood, relaxed, in front of her as she leaned against the closet, her eyes wide. "Did I scare you?" He smirked, causing her already red face to light up just a bit more.

"N-no... I just..." She looked up at him, and then down at her shoes. "Yes..."

He chuckled, backing up a bit, and sitting down on her bed. She glanced over at him for a moment before finally moving from the closet, joining him on the fabric. He flopped back, his arms flailing in both directions, and she glanced down at him. His lips were still pulled into the smallest smile, his jaw strong and angular. She could just barely see under the brim of his shades from this angle, but his eyes were closed. His lashes were long and had the slightest curl to them. His hair flopped in every direction, fanning out around his face, but somehow still keeping the look of a well-groomed man. Her eyes wandered to his neck, where his finely chiseled muscles created a smooth tone down to his strong shoulders, easily viewed due to his wife beater. Even his goofy tattoo somehow added to his looks. His charm.

Wait what?

Charm?

_*Strider?*_

Her heart skipped another beat, her breath catching in her throat.

_*Well... he IS an attractive- NO! Get a grip, crocker! You just got over Jake. Do not move on so quickly! Stop it! Bad brain! Bad!*_

His head shifted slightly to the side, his shoulders flexing for the slightest moment, his outspread arms almost calling for her to rest in them. Just a small nap... his arm looked like a great pillow...

Hohohohoho NOPE! That was the FASTEST way to get a guy to shut you down. She thought. Hey, what did she know? The only guy she ever liked was Jake!

She shook her head back and forth, quickly averting her gaze away from the man resting on her bed, and coughed awkwardly. "Uhh... s-so... what do you want to do today?" She asked, attempting not to blush. The bed shifted as Dirk sat up, shifting his head toward her. her heart hopped for a quick moment, and she bit her lip.

What was this? Why was talking to him hard now? Why couldn't she speak as easily with him? Why was that blasted butterfly reproducing so fast?

She glanced over at him, his thin lips pulled so slightly up at the edges, and her mind laughed at her.

*Well that was fast.

What was?

*Or did you like him *before* this whole incident?

Shush.

*He's rather cute...

SHUT UP!

She stared at her hands for a moment, silently succumbing to her stubbornness. There was no way she liked Dirk. No way she was going to let herself like Dirk.

Because there was simply no way he would ever like her.

Even the way he touched her proved that. Any guy who had a crush on a girl would never touch her forehead like that. Nor grab her hand like he did. Or hug her. Or get so close to her face.

It was obvious the way he thought of her.

Definitely more than friends. But not the way her fluttering heart was hinting at.

Little sister.

He saw her as a little sister. Touching her forehead, checking for a fever, helping her with her boy problems. Coming to her beck and call whenever she wanted.

yeah.

Little sister.

Her flustered blush slowly turned into a frown as her mind wandered to his hand on her forehead. How could he not see that she was blushing?

Why would he lead her on like that?

How could men be so stupidly blind?

How could she be so blindingly stupid?

%~%~%~%~{~~~}~%~%~%~%~~~~~

Dirk smiled as his ever observant eyes caught the red flush on her cheeks. Genius. Irons in the fire have a tendency to heat up Quite a bit... He smiled as another idea popped into his head.

Oh Strider, you love doctor evil genius.

Dirk's hand quickly flicked up to Jane's forehead, and he leaned forward, pressing his own skin to the back of the hand resting on her face.

"You alright Crocker? Your face is red." He said cooly, and got the immediate satisfaction of her face growing once more in temperature, her ears lighting up like christmas lights.

"Oh...uhh...i'm...uhh...fine!" She stuttered, her eyes wide as she reached up to his hand, shyly pulling it away from her face. "It's just... Uhh... hot in here..." She stuttered, standing, and retreating to the window, leaning on the sill, lightly touching her face.

He let out a small chuckle. Oh God how transparent could she be? It was comical how easily he read her.

His plan was working. Step by step, he was moving forward.

Out of the Gay Zone was the first step.

Out of the "Could still be Gay- Friendship Zone" next.

And now, he had successfully removed himself from the friend zone.

He smiled deviously as he silently sauntered to her side, peering out the window as he hovered behind her.

This was too easy.

Getting the girl you like?

Psh! Piece of cake. He rested a hand on her shoulder. "Whatcha looking at, Crocker?"

Suddenly, she stood up straight, jerking her shoulder out from under his hand, and whipping to face him. Confused, he looked down at her, and quickly reeled back as she shoved him backward a bit.

Her face was angry. Hurt. Betrayed. Her eyes behind her glasses glimmered lightly with regret.

What the fuck?

"Please! Just stop that!"

What the FUCK?

"You're confusing me!"

"What are you tal-"

"The touching! The hand on my forehead! My shoulder! The holding my hand! Just stop it all!" Her eyes quickly switched from hurt to plain straight anger.

Poker faces were really hard to keep when you were confused as fuck. Dirk stood there, staring down at her, his mouth slightly agape at her outburst.

"I don't-"

"We're just friends! FRIENDS!" She emphasized 'friends' with such bitterness, it felt like a double bolt striking his heart. "So stop touching me like we're anything more!"

Okay yeah. That cake he mentioned earlier?

Apparently, it was made of lead and broken glass.

* * *

AN: Keeping it short for "You probably don't read this anyway" reasons. S'there anything you guys want Dirk and Jane to do together?  
Or, would you like Roxy or the Guardians to make an appearance?  
Review me your ideas!  
I'll see if I can incorporate them :33


	4. Short chapter 4

**A.N: I'm an asshole.**

He was frozen. Stoically standing in front of the window as she tossed her hands in the air in anger, and made a quick abscond with whatever dignity she could possibly have left. Each of her footsteps thudded hollowly in the ground, bringing her a foot further away from Dirk's stagnant form. With every step, she felt the bile of regret and anger boiling in her throat. She wasn't sure if she hated herself for so quickly falling for another person, or hated Dirk for leading her on. She plopped onto her bed with a sigh, leaning against the wall and pulled her knees to her chest, resting her forehead on the knobby joints. Quickly swallowing the bile-like substance in her throat, she sniffled, and looked up at Dirk, still frozen at the window.  
Why hadn't he moved yet?  
Regret and anger quickly faded away, replaced with guilt as she stared at Dirk's stiff shoulders, his twitching hand, his shade-laden eyes staring at where she had just been. She had never yelled at him before. Heck, she had never yelled AROUND him before... She let out a small sigh before opening her mouth. "Hey..." She twitched slightly as his head quickly flickered to face her, the rest of his body still. She only faltered for half a moment before continuing. "...Sorry." He stayed silent, and she was almost positive he was staring straight at her. She swallowed, attempting to smile, but her face only contorted into a pitiful grimace. "For yelling at you... That was stupid... I don't normally yell. I mean, I just, it was, I was just..." She stopped floundering to catch her breath as her own previous yelling got to her. She sniffled again, refusing to cry. Crockers were better than that. She blinked away the little droplets of water collecting at her eyelashes, and was quickly surprised to see Dirk only a foot and a half away from her. She twitched, taking a quick intake of breath at his quick movement, and almost missed the half grimace, half smirk that played on his lips for just a moment. Her heart pounded for a few moments at the sudden fright, but quickly slowed down as he settled on the bed next to her, keeping a good 3 inch distance.  
She wasn't sure if she liked or disliked his heeding of her request, but continued nonetheless. "I just kinda gave up on Jake, and accepted the fact that I'm probably not gonna have a boyfriend for a long time... and... I dunno, I guess I just felt like you were leading me on..." She let out a pitiful laugh, more at herself than anything. "But... I know that all I am to you is a little sister..."

Oh... oh...Oh... He understood now. Like a fuckin' mirthful Messiah had come down from his miraculously Insane Clown Posse juggalo throne and granted him with the ever wicked, righteous, and elusive understanding of the creature called Woman, he understood.

.

Shit.  
Just what he needed. Not friend zoned. Not Gay zoned. Not "almost gay" zoned. Big Brother zoned.  
Oh hell no.  
We're taking this plan into overdrive. Irons been in the fire for a bit too long. Instead of being hot pieces of metal ready for molding into the sharpest of weapons, they had bubbled down to metallic blobs of useless material only useable to make Legendary Pieces of Shit.  
Shit.  
No.  
He was not about to be Big Brother zoned.  
Screw irons in the fire. He didn't need a sharp-ass weapon. He'd do this bare handed.  
Aggrieve, Mother Fucker, Aggrieve!

She glanced over at him to see him twitch, staring out the window. It was probably a nod. Of agreement. She looked back at her knees. "And I know I haven't been hurt by your touching me before... but... I dunno, I guess I'm just a little sensitive right now... being shut down like that. You know," She paused, "Rejected." She took a small breath, scrunching her nose at the sound of "Rejected" coming from her own lips. It wasn't one of sadness, or one of self hatred, just, disgruntled acceptance. Like accepting something that you already knew somewhere deep down in your heart. She wasn't going to get Jake. It just wasn't written in the stars. She glanced quickly back at her shaded friend and smiled kindly. "So I dunno... Till I get over that, maybe you could just take the physical contact to a down low... until I can think of you as just a big brother again...?"  
He twitched again, causing a small frown to touch her lips. "Sorry, it's just what I need right no-"  
"And what if I don't want to?" He interjected, his head flickering to face her. She frowned, her eyebrows knitting together as she stared at the reflective surface of his glasses.  
"Uhh... Well... It won't be for long, I don't think... I just need some time to get over this stupid feeling in my chest..." Oh no! Did she just say that? Jane quickly backtracked in her mind, repeating her words in the recesses of her head. Yes. She did just say that. How stupid could she be? Oh god...  
"..that?" Dirk finished his sentence, and she glanced up at him. Oh he was talking...  
"What?"  
"What if I don't want that?" His lips were pursed slightly, but otherwise in a completely straight line. Her closely knit eyebrows only scrunched more. What was he saying? What didn't he want? Why was the distance between them suddenly much smaller? Why was her heart suddenly palpitating at an alarming rate?  
He had scooted closer to her, staring straight at her. Suddenly, almost too fast for her weary eyes to catch, he had shifted. He was facing her, leaning over her, one hand over her lap, leaning heavily on the folded covers on the other side of her small frame. His face was barely 3 inches from hers, and she felt his hot breath on her lips as he inched even closer. From this distance, she could easily see through the priorly reflective surface of his shades. The hue of his light orange eyes was darkened by the glass, but his eyes glowed nonetheless, staring straight at her. Straight. At. Her. Her heart kicked into overdrive as she shied back against the wall, her face quickly growing red.  
"I'm s-sorry... d-didn't want w-what?" She stuttered a bit, causing his lips to turn up into a small smirk.  
He spoke again, his voice slow, quiet, and rumbling. "What if I didn't want you to get over that stupid feeling in your chest?" His breath smelled like cinnamon and copper. It was pleasantly odd. Jane's mind fluttered back and forth in match with her heart as she stared at him, her throat clogged up. Her lips quivered for a few moments as she attempted to piece together what he was saying. She failed.  
"What are sayi-" He cut off her words by removing the 3 inch gap between his lips and hers.

**A.N: told you I was an asshole XD Anyway, Tumblr: Sisida. blog / crockpotjane. Just sayin .**


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